Bathroom Blitz
by Dr. Jekyl
Summary: Five Titans. One bathroom. If you've ever lived in a shared house, you'll know this isn't exactly an optimal situation.


A hopefully somewhat amusing short, inspired, in part, by a scene in 'Transformation'. I appreciate any and all feedback, including the pointing out of spelling and grammatical errors.

**Bathroom Blitz**

The bathroom of Titan's Tower was a somewhat unusual place, for all its deceptively normal, even bland exterior. Indeed, it was safe to say that there was no other bathroom like it in the world, for few bathrooms could boast of high-impact, heat resistant, stain resistant, chemically inert tiling or a ventilation system that would be more at home in a chemical waste disposal plant (a system which, it must be said, still failed to fully dissipate the pervasive smell of wet dog) than in a personal residence. Fewer bathrooms still could also lay claim to an intelligent water delivery system that monitored and recalled each user's individual temperature and water-pressure preferences, let alone a custom-moulded titanium bathtub coated in an experimental anti-slip high pressure polyethylene, capable of supporting up to ten metric tonnes without fail. And all that was, of course, not to say anything about the pallet of hair gel bottles hidden away under the sink counter, the graded steel wool scrubbing brushes neatly arrayed beneath the showerhead, the fusion-powered hairdryer, the collection of green-tinged toenails or the row of arcane hair-care products clearly labelled:

'_Do not touch on pain of a horrible, lingering death. THIS MEANS YOU, BEAST BOY_.'

So it most certainly could be said that the bathroom of Titan's Tower was a somewhat unusual place. Unfortunately, it could also be said that the bathroom of Titan's Tower was presently occupied.

"Come _on_, Starfire!" Beast Boy wailed, pounding on the door for the second time in as many minutes. Drops of purple goo flew from his arm with every motion, splattering against the door, the walls and the ceiling. "You've been in there for half an hour!"

"More like thirty-three minutes and forty-nine seconds," confirmed Cyborg sourly, checking the grime-covered chronometer built into his arm. The second in line, he too dripped unmentionable purple slime on the carpet.

"_Over_ half an hour!" amended Beast Boy, still hammering on the door. "Come on, Star! How long does it take to take a shower anyway!"

"Too long," muttered Raven, third in line and by far the most goo-covered of the trio, a situation with which she seemed distinctly unimpressed. Rivulets of slime traced their way down her face, clung to her hair and dripped down her cloak on to the floor, puddling beneath her hovering feet. Several towels, a bottle and a change of uniform were carefully levitated behind her, well out of splatter range. "I think this stuff's setting."

"Setting?" Cyborg turned to look at her in concern. "What do you mean, 'setting'? I've got this junk all through my joints!"

"…tell me about it."

"Star-fire! Hurry up!" Beast Boy whined, slumping forward so that his forehead was pressed to the cool surface of the door as he knocked one last time, slowly and dramatically. "_Pleeeease_!"

As if – finally – in response to his pleas, the door slid open in a cloud of steam, so unexpectedly that Beast Boy, unbalanced, fell straight through onto the tiled surface of the bathroom floor. He scrambled upright as Starfire breezed past him out into the corridor.

"Oh, it is most glorious to feel clean again, is it not?" the Tamaranean exclaimed, clutching her towels to her chest and twirling in midair.

The other three Titans looked at each other, plastered in purple ooze and a healthy coating of concrete dust, then, as one, turned to look back at the freshly scrubbed alien in her clean uniform with her clean hair and her clean boots. The silence was broken only by the soft patter of slime droplets falling from Raven's cloak.

"I don't know, Starfire," she said after a beat too long, voice deadly even. "You tell us."

"Many apologies, my friends, for the delay," Starfire said, retreating somewhat in the face of their stares, "but the secretions of the slug-monster proved most resistant to the products of hair care. For some time I was worried that my-"

"Yeah, fine Star," Beast Boy cut her off, snatching his slightly scungy towel up from where he'd left it on the floor, just outside the bathroom door. "I'm just glad you – hey! No cuts!"

"Sorry B.B., but if this stuff's setting," Cyborg replied, gently pushing the much smaller teen out of the doorway, "then I need to get it out of my joints ASAP or I'll lock up. Of course I'm sure y'all wouldn't mind carrying me all the way back down to the lab and cleaning me out. You can probably find the same toothbrushes you had to use last time." Towel slung over his cleanest shoulder, he treated Beast Boy to a rather insincere smile and started to make his way into the bathroom.

"Nu-uh, I'm not buying it!" Beast Boy declared, making a dive for and latching onto Cyborg's ankle in a futile attempt halt his progress. "I got here first! Next shower is mine!"

"Beast Boy, you only got here first because you three left me and Robin _alone_ to explain things to the police," Raven interrupted, her voice carrying a clear undertone of annoyance. "And _then_ we had to deal with the mayor. For the third time this month. I want that _hour_ of my life back."

"Eh-heh, uh, sorry about that."

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that Raven," Cyborg agreed hastily. "If I'd known the mayor was going to show up, I'd've stuck around, but with just the cops... Well, you did have the best view of things, and dealing with 'em's part of Robin's job. The rest of us jumping in would only have made things confusing."

"So... you ditched us purely out of concern that the authorities get the clearest picture?" An arched eyebrow eloquently conveyed just how likely true she thought his explanation. "I'm going next. I've earned it."

"No cuts!" Beast Boy exclaimed as Raven started to move forward. "And anyway, I totally saved your butt today. You owe me. I earned it."

"I got slimed _three times_ because of you," Raven countered smoothly, her present condition a testament to this fact in a way mere words could never hope to achieve. "I owe you nothing. Now, _move_."

Beast Boy stood his ground, or rather attempted to reclaim it, jumping to his feet to step between the other two Titans and the doorway.

"No way! I got here first!"

"And _I_ need to get this crud out of my joints!" insisted Cyborg, shoving Beast Boy out of the way again. Beast Boy responded by morphing into a gorilla and shoving back, hard enough that Cyborg collided with Raven. Her concentration momentarily disrupted by the unexpected contact, her towel and change of clothes fell to the floor, landing in a puddle of the slowly congealing purple goo.

She looked down at it. She looked back up at the two boys, struggling to shove each other out of the doorway. She looked inwards and found a suitably nasty pocket dimension to send them both to for a time-out.

"Right. That's it," she announced to the world in general. "Azarath -"

"First come, first served tin-man!" cried Beast Boy, temporarily back in his normal form, arms locked around Cyborg's neck from behind.

"- Metrion -"

"Need before greed, saladhead! Get offa me!" the bigger teen growled, trying to get a hold of his unwanted passenger. After a brief scrabble, he managed to get a grip on Beast Boy's somewhat scrawny arms and pitched the boy clean over his shoulder -

"- _Zin_ - oof!"

- and straight into Raven. Who picked herself up off of the goo-coated carpet and sent him flying right back again, quickly followed by a handy potted plant. The sound of terracotta shattering as it slammed into the dead centre of Cyborg's chest-plate, showering both boys in clods of dirt, was rather rewarding, and she smirked ever so slightly, smirk vanishing just as quickly when both started straight for her, hands outstretched.

"Friends, fight not!" exclaimed Starfire, floating out between Raven and the advancing pair. "There is more than enough of the hot water for everyone!"

"Easy for you to say!" Beast Boy declared mid-morph, moving past her.

"Yeah!" Cyborg agreed, lining up for the tackle. "You already _had_ a shower!"

"While it was still _clean_ in there," added Raven. A thin black shield went up just in time for Cyborg to slam into it, but not quickly enough to stop a green tentacle from snaking underneath and wrapping itself around Raven's leg, yanking her clean off her feet.

"Starfire's right guys," interjected a new voice, cool but containing a hint of amusement. "There's enough hot water for everyone."

The trio of combatants paused momentarily in their attempts to inflict various degrees of bodily harm upon each other to look up at their leader, then at each other. Without a word they picked up the fight exactly where it had left off, a chaotic mix of whirling chrome, flailing green limbs and black energy.

Robin sighed to himself and shook his head, offering Starfire a resigned smile, then swung his towel over his shoulder. Deftly dodging the pitched battle, he slipped inside the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

There was a moment of silence, the tableau of battle frozen as the trio stopped fighting to stare at the now closed door.

"... Man, did he just...?" Cyborg began, slowly releasing the choker hold he had on squid-Beast Boy. "He did, didn't he?"

"Dude, that is so unfair," Beast Boy wheezed, returning Raven to her proper vertical orientation and setting her back down on her feet. Tentacles retracted as he resumed human form.

"This is ridiculous," Raven declared, adjusting her cloak and glaring at the other two. "What kind of idiot builds a tower this size and only puts one bathroom in it anyway?"

"Yeah," agreed Cyborg quietly, looking away. "What kinda idiot."

---end---

Update 5/8/05: _corrected some minor errors that have been bugging me. Thank you to all those who left feedback!_


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